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Streets of Blood (2009)
IMDB rating: 0.00
Plot: A police officer’s partner has died during Hurricane Katrina, but he later discovers that his partner may have been murdered. An investigation follows, taking the officer and his new partner into the depths of the criminal underworld.
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Directors: Winkler Charles
Actors: Kilmer Val,50 Cent,Andriole David,Biehn Michael,Browne Edrick,Byrnes Michael,Cantillo Jose Pablo,Chertkoev Gocha,Cummings Kip,Dainty Jon,Dos Santos Dino,Ferguson Ted,Foppe Zacharias,Granstaff Brett,Action,Drama,Drama,Thriller,
First chapter of my novel, rate please.?
"Don’t be late OK?" His mother said, David said no problem and went to his car, a Subaru Imprezza WRX that had been fully pimped out where his mates Tony, Alex and Kane waited. They were going to drive around and pick up a few chicks along the way and the mother said to her friend Alexa that she sometimes worried about David but Alexa said that he’ll be fine.
"Yo, Davo this is a fully sick ride mofo," Tony said and then Alex said "Yeh man" and Alex and Kane tended to agree with what Alex said cause he was a pretty cool guy and they said yes too. "We gonna be pimpin’ tonight boys," David said, who was originally from Italy but his parents moved to California when he was three years old.
"Hey man, let’s pick up Kellie, she’s up for anything," said one of the boys.
"Totally, man, I hear she’s up for bonin’ tonight," said another.
"Yeh, I heard it’s somethin’ to do with their climax ay."
"What the eff man, that’s wrong," said Alex, making a disgusted like face.
"I know, ay, shit’s dirty man. I don’t wanna wake up with a blood stained tool." smirked Kane disgustedly.
"You guys are idiots," said David, interjecting them, "that stuffhappens after. We’re right as rain boys!" Laughed David.
The boys got excited and beat the roof of the car in the heat of the moment.
"It’s going down like chinatown," said Kane and drummed on David’s headrest.
"Quit that, man," David commanded.
At Kellie’s house, Kellie was standing on her porch in a cocktail dress and all made up to look pretty.
"Hey beautiful," said David, as his car roared faintly.
"Hi!" Waved Kelly.
"You wann ride with us, girl?" Asked Alex. Kane was poking at his grabs which was making him smile like an idiot.
"Where you guys off to?" She asked.
"Wherever. We gonna party all night."
"Might as well," she said.
All the boys looked at Kellie as she approached their car, her breasts jiggling nicely in the warm Summer air.
"Move over Kane," said David.
Kane moved over and Kellie sat on the right.
"You sure you don’t wanna sit in the middle?" Asked Alex, who was sitting on the far left, between him was Kane and Kellie was on the right.
"No thanks, I’m good." And with that David sped down the quiet street, hoping for cop free streets.
wow you are really good Very talented i think you should like publish it online it would be a really good idea keep going. the first chapter means everything!!!!!!!! xoxo
JANE!!E | Feb 10, 2010
Honestly, people don’t talk to each other like that. If they did, they’d be the lamest group of friends.
Other than Kellie, all of your characters have the same personality – which means you haven’t really tried to define your characters.
To me it seems all of your characters talk in the same way.
Also you seem to scramble your describing words. "ROARED faintly" first you put the image of a roaring engine in my mind, then its only doing it quietly. Something like, the engine hummed. Also smirked Kane disgustedly. Kane smirked would’ve done well by itself.
Also the jiggling boobs shit? You stereotype males even tho (i think) you ARE one. If she’s all pretty in a cocktail dress she’s probably got nice hair, her figure is shown off in the dress, or a sweet smell to her. Remember to use all five of your sense, not just your dick and your eyes.
If you want to write a good story with characters that like to party all night in a car that (and I’m assuming they’re all young adults) is probably way outta their price range since they spend all their money on booze by the sounds of it, try and make your characters realistic, give them a personality other than your own and don’t make nor the girls or boys too stereotypical.
If your passionate about story writing, you’ll put your head into the real world, into the heads of your characters all of whom probably have experienced totally different things in their life time and work on your grammar and vocab, you’ll have what it takes.
Hope I didn’t seem too harsh.
Its constructive criticism.
Lonigan | Feb 10, 2010
